All About the Best
Historians will say the Best Church of God was founded in early 2008. The truth is, this satirical congregation started some 6,000 years ago when the Almighty created the earth (see the book of Genesis for accurate, irrefutable details). And while we are not the first to worship, fear, and consume the Lord, we are the first to do it correctly.
We are a unique denomination of Christ-followers who believe in the absolute, literal, and unerring word of the Bible as set forth in the original English. We will stop at nothing to prove that true faith requires no proof, convert unbelieving sinners to the morality only Christianity can provide, and smite those who stand in our way. In the war of religions, God is only on one side: ours. He told us so.
Our services contain literal interpretations of the Old and New Testaments, public confessions, exciting new hymns, riveting sermons, eloquent speaking in tongues, miraculous healings, sanctimonious Devil wrestling, Power PrayersTM , God’s guide to politics, and the occasional animal sacrifice as prescribed in The Bible. For a calendar of our upcoming live services in Chicago, click here.
We realize not every Best Church of God parishioner is able to travel to Chicago for our live services; the Almighty, in His infinite wisdom, has converted His Holy Spirit into 1s and 0s so that you might worship His greatness through the series of tubes known as the “Internet”. God is our webmaster and He is watching over us 24/7. Except on the Sabbath when He rests. (“Anyone who works on the Sabbath will be put to death” Exodus 31:15) On Sundays, our Janitor David Plaine, is on duty. We pay him time and a half.
For those looking for a better journey to Jesus, why not try the Best? The Best Church of God is the only church God goes to; He gave us His Word.