Jesus Sells!
Christians know all too well that our children are susceptible to the corrupting influence of the Godless world. Most of all at breakfast. From the secular propaganda on the back of cereal boxes to the Chinese-made toys inside, the morning meal is a gateway to dangerous ideas- that is, until now.
We at the Best Church of God have conceived a fun and sanctified alternative to secular breakfast. And it’s all thanks to that brave Christian warrior of the Westboro “God Hates Fags” Baptist Church spokesperson Shirley Phelps. When prompted by the rogue liberal news program Nightline to comment on (alleged) President B. Hussein Obama's recent oil spill, Ms. Phelps labeled the catastrophe "an Awesome God Smack."
The BCOG is proud to announce the first Christian breakfast cereal: “Awesome God Smacks!” Your children will leap out of bed at the opportunity to start their day reliving some of God’s most famous acts of Wrath and Vengeance.
Each and every box is packed with deliciously frosted, 100% holy-grain oats in the shape of:
 | Hurricane Katrina: Who can forget when God smacked off America's sinningest city in a mighty torrent of wind, water, and shoddy engineering? Mmmm…Mmmm Good! |
 | 1906 San Francisco Earthquake: God's greatest act of retribution on a sinful America; His mighty hand smacked off the prancing Sodomites of this haven of wickedness. Delicious! |
 | Obama's Oil Spill: God punishes this false president and his seizure of our Christian government via Communist Healthcare by causing a man-made catastrophe. Tasty! |
 | The Haiti Earthquake: Not being a part of America is bad enough, but imagine the sins the Haitian people must have committed to deserve this ‘Smack! Tastes like real blueberries! |
 | AIDS: Perhaps the greatest of all His ‘Smacks, no Christian breakfast is complete without AIDS. Our AIDS clusters are high in fiber and smell like gay. |
So mom, choose the breakfast cereal that 2 out of 3 members of the Holy Trinity recommend. Like it says in the Bible: Give your kid a ‘Smack!
--More Kidz Korner--