Best Church Of God

Homemaking - The Idaho 10

 ...with Sally Matthews!

Ten U.S. missionaries were recently charged with attempting to take 33 children out of Haiti; most of them were not orphans. The Baptists will be tried in a Haitian court for child trafficking.

My name is Sally Matthews.  I am a loving mother of three small children, Marky, Josh and Mary.  When I heard about the “Idaho 10,” I immediately wondered, “What would I feel if my own kids were about to be taken away to the Dominican Republic?”  Luckily, I have the bible to do my thinking for me.

“But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19:14, Mark 10:14 and Luke 18:16.  The bible is perfect.  And when the same quote appears 3 times, you know it is triple perfect.

I love my kids.  I said that right?  That is why I would never in a million years forbid them to come unto Jesus. (Seeing as the earth has only been around for 6,000 years, a million must be a real long time) I would not want my babies forced to sit around sticking pins in dolls or shoving witch doctor bones through their noses. The Christian God would never endorse torture by proxy. When God stuck nails into Jesus to make him pay for the sins of man that was totally different.  VooDoo magic, skulls, and potions? Ridiculous. These children need a dose of Christianity’s perfectly reasonable talking snakes, pregnant virgins, and dead saviors who come back to life. We must whisk the Haitian children away from their evil sorcerer parents to an environment that is more nurturing and educational—a Christian environment.  What a gift!  Unrelenting exposure to the teachings and doctrines of Jesus Christ, the God who was a man and also his own son and also a Holy Ghost and also somehow completely monotheistic. 

Sure, I would miss my kids. All I’d have to remember little Marky would be his macaroni art depiction of the battle of Armageddon (Helpful Mom Hint: a little ketchup goes a long way in making realistic heathen blood). But I’d know we’d be reunited in the Kingdom Of Heaven.  So while the Haitian parents are busy praying to their heretical VooDoo spirits for help--which is what brought on the earthquake in the first place, right Pat Robertson?--we Christians should be taking the only truly humanitarian approach to the crisis: Kidnap the children and deliver their souls to Christ.

My name is Sally Matthews and I am a loving mother.  Amen.