This I Know
Reverend Joy Philips is the BCOG’s resident expert on interpreting the word of God into language even you can understand. Got a question for Rev Joy? Shoot her a message by carrier pigeon or via email at RevJoy@bestchurchofgod.org
For God So Loved the World, He Gave His Only Begotten Oil Spill
By Rev. Joy Philips
Q. Dear RevJoy,
Last week, Obama made BP apologize for the oil spill…so Congressman Joe Barton apologized to BP (because Obama was super mean to them). Then Joe Barton apologized for apologizing to BP. With all this apologizing going on, who can I blame for the biggest ecological disaster in American History?
In His name,
60-100,000 Barrels a Day
Pensacola, FL
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A. Forget BP, Obama-the-Anti-Christ, or that humble GOP servant Joe Barton; the blame for this crisis clearly lies below the surface. Nope, not in the ocean. In Hell. You see, that’s where the Devil lives.
Let me help you with a brief history of Petroleum: The Devil (who is evil and created by God) with help from the Jews (who are evil and created by God) put dinosaurs on earth to confuse Americans about the Cosmological timeline. God, who is all powerful, trumped the evil of Satan’s dinosaurs by killing them all with a giant meteor and plunging their carcasses into the Earth, thereby creating all the oil that is used today. God knew then what we know now: Christians love modern 
conveniences. This means that modern conveniences must come from God, who only wants to make us happy. Therefore, we know that God loved us so much, he put oil deposits two miles underneath the ocean so we could access oil easily and convert it energy. Good thinking, God!
All you need is a Bible (or a textbook from Texas) to see that the oil spill couldn’t be the fault of BP or mere humans. The “experts” really expect the rest of us to believe that epic tragedy can be a man-made occurrence? We're supposed to believe this catastrophe occurred without God’s direct design? If that were true, then almighty God just stood by and allowed the oil spill to happen, making him an immoral God unworthy 
of our worship. OR, are we to believe that our Lord was unable to prevent the oil spill? That'd make him a powerless God. As if.
Clearly, the blame here goes to the Devil. And while the Devil was created by God and God remains almighty, God is not responsible (for theological reasoning too complex for us to explain). Instead of blaming God for destroying crayfish and oyster étouffée, Louisianans have called for a statewide day of prayer. Amen! 
Louisianans know who’s in charge (not Obama) and they have a clear message for him: “Lord, we praise you. Thank you for having the Devil destroy our wetlands and Gulf… now please reverse your all-knowing actions so that we can praise the miracle of you undoing the thing that you had already destined yourself in your infinite wisdom to do, the undoing of which was no doubt also predestined. But you in your infinite wisdom already knew that - so why are we praying right now?”
Sincerely Yours,
RevJoy
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