BCOG Top 10
Top Ten Things to Build at Ground Zero Besides a Mosque
- Crafts table with poster boards, glitter, and Hitler stickers…for making protest signs.
- Churches. Lots of churches.
- A statue of Christianity’s One True God: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
- An Olympic-sized Baptismal tank.
- Glenn Beck’s house.
- A Ground Zero Holy Land Experience – bigger and better than the one in Orlando! (Featuring the new ride: Jihadist Twin Tower 3-D Spectacular)
- A communal menstruation red tent for the woman of New York (just like in the book of Exodus!)
- A Koran-burning bonfire.
- A camp dedicated to holding illegal Mexican immigrants.
- Just rebuild the Burlington Coat Factory that used to be there. It’s better than that Muslim-y stuff… “We guarantee it!”
Top Ten Things for Teens to do Instead of Sex
Shop for your Purity Ring; you won't be tempted anymore. - Create a Facebook page called "I bet I can find 1 million Christian teens that love Jesus more than vaginal penetration" and watch the fans roll in.
- Throw a "God Party" that includes games like Pin Jesus on the Cross and Confessions or Dare.
Use arts and crafts time to make anti-gay/anti-abortion/anti-shrimp picket signs (Lev 11:9).
- Get drunk. On the Holy Spirit. ("And be not drunk on wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit." Ephesians 5:18)
Girls, watch the Jonas Brothers' good Christian music videos. That wetness down below has nothing to do with fornication; it's Jesus' way of telling you to pray harder.
- Condemn the unwed pregnant teens at prom.
- Browse the Best Church of God website!
- Hang at the mall and judge the Atheist/Muslim/Jewish losers.
- Instead of thinking about sex, focus on how Jesus can save you from being a horrible pervert. Just get on your knees, eat him, and take him inside of you.
Top 10 Gifts for Your REAL Father
(Who Art In Heaven)
- Sew together many ties to make God a giant God-sized tie.
- Ask God what He wants for Father's Day. Sit silently in prayer until He answers you, no matter how long it takes.
- Hire an astronaut to serve God breakfast-in-bed.
- Go on a hike, just you and God. He’ll bring the supplies.
- Let Him have some alone time with your mother. Tell your earth dad to wait in the car.
- Take God to Sears’ Portrait Studio so you’ll have wallet- sized memories of your fun day.
- Paint God a giant ceramic mug and fill it with your tears of gratitude.
- Let God know you appreciate His parenting skills by crucifying your son, too.
- Go on a fishing trip together, but instead of fish catch yourself some men just like Jesus did. (See Matthew 4:19.)
Have a Father's Day BBQ in God's honor using the bodies of sinners in place of the charcoal. God hates the smell of charcoal, but loves the smell of burning bodies. (See Book of Revelation.)
Top Ten Reasons Gays Can’t be Christian Rockers
It’s hard to “rock” when you’re a pervert who is swimming in a fiery lake of burning sulfur (Rev 21:8)- Christian music artists like to imagine Jesus’ great love for them. Gays like to imagine Jesus shirtless.
- Melissa Ethridge sounds like Tom Waits, but sinnier.
- God wouldn’t give the gift of song to someone who is an abomination (Lev 18:22).
Christian music artists encourage worship and prayer at their concerts. Gays would encourage using X and having sex in the bathroom.- History has shown time and time again that gays just aren’t musical.
- Gays need to stick with what they do best- having homosexual sex and trying to recruit children to be a part of their gay homosexual army.
- Christian music artists worship God. Gays worship Judy Garland.
- Who would be the gay equivalent of Christian music power couple Vince Gill and Amy Grant? Lady Gaga and her hermaphrodite penis?
- Gay musicians like Adam Lambert just LOVE bedazzling their leather pants and tight shirts, but Ezekiel 7:19 says:
Their silver and gold will not be able to save them in the day of the LORD's wrath. Sorry gays!
Top Ten New Christian Facebook Groups
1. I Bet We Can Get 1,000,000 More Fans For Monkey Poo Than For Charles Darwin.
2. Threaten Obama And Win A Bible.
3. Looking Forward To Heaven Where There Are No Gays Or Scientists.
4. Two Billion Strong Against The Jews Killing Jesus Again When He Returns.
5. Replace All History Books With Bibles.
6. Whenever Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris Or Christopher Hitchens Speak, I Will Hold My Hands Over My Ears And Say, “La, La, La, La, La!”
7. Concerned Christians for Ignoring All The Places The 4 Gospels Contradict Each Other.
8. If You Need Proof That Jesus Ever Existed, You’re An Idiot And I Can Prove It.
9. Your “Mafia War” Has Nothing On My “Judgment Day.”
10. Palin/Cameron ’12.
Top 10 Reasons Darwin Day Shouldn't Be A Holiday
February 12th is the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin, a day scientists are lobbying to be recognized as “Darwin Day.”
The U.S. government didn't even so much send a card for Kirk Cameron's 39th birthday.- If evolution were true, a holiday would spring into existence by random chance. Then a whale would be born with arms or something.
- It's called a "holy day." If evolutionists want to make a "sinny day" they can go right ahead.
We already gave the blacks the whole month, and we certainly don't want to be the ones to tell them we're taking a day back.- My grandaddy wasn't no monkey.
- If you read the Book of Revelations backwards it spells out this hyperlink to http://www.darwinday.org/
- Noah already sorted out all of the species for us; last time we checked Darwin never had a water park named after him.
What would all of the creationist biologists do on that day? There's not even enough of them to get a decent game of apples to apples going. - Evolution is just a theory. Pat Robertson has a new theory every week and nobody ever gave him a holiday*.
- Nerds can just celebrate Darwin two days later on Valentine's day. It's not like they have plans.
*yet
--More BCOG Top 10--